Before seeking alternative thoughts, you need to know whether the thought you have is distorted or false. To do this, ask yourself questions. If you find that the thoughts you have identified are implausible or far-fetched, then it is possible to formulate alternative thoughts that are more realistic.
The following examples present different types of distorted thoughts, useful questions you might ask yourself, and alternative thoughts to replace the distorted ones.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Seeing everything in black or white, navigating between extremes: Everything is good or everything is bad. When this distorted thinking pattern is activated, everything is either a success or a failure; there’s nothing in between.
“I will be a perfect mother.”
“I will be a terrible mother.”
Is there a grey area between this extreme thought and the other extreme?
Think about what lies between the extremes. Remember that you have experienced success in your life in the past.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Overgeneralize: Take a negative characteristic or event and expect it to occur again and always.
“I was unable to comfort my baby this afternoon and I will never be able to so.”
“My breastfeeding difficulties are proof that I don’t have what it takes to be a good mother.”
Am I assuming that all people and all situations are the same?
There are many differences between situations and people. You should not automatically expect the worst of every situation.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Se culpabiliser :
Feeling guilty: Always blame yourself when something negative happens.
“If my baby is too small, it’s because I’m not able to feed her properly.”
Is everything that happens to me only my fault?
Most parents tend to blame themselves! Determine what you can alter or change.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Making negative predictions:
Thinking that you can see into the future and that everything is always doomed to fail.
“I will never be able to balance my job with the needs of my baby.”
“Since the baby’s arrival, I’ve had arguments with my partner, so our relationship will only get worse.”
Can I really predict the future?
The future may turn out different from what you expect. Wait and see what the future holds rather than predicting the worst.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
High personal obligations:
- Expecting absolute perfection.
- Making demands that are often unrealistic and difficult or impossible to achieve.
- Idealizing the situation of others. For example, “I must”, “I should”, “I have to”.
“To be a good mother, I have to breastfeed my baby at all costs.”
“A strong mother should never need help.”
Is this a reasonable or rational expectation? Am I imposing an obligation on myself that I would not impose on others? Am I being compassionate with myself?
Despite the best intentions, some things are beyond our control. Despite our best efforts, things can still go wrong. It is the intention that counts.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Dramatization: Amplifying the importance of mistakes and shortcomings. Considering an unpleasant but trivial event as intolerable or catastrophic.
“I don’t have the energy to go grocery shopping today. I’m sluggish and lazy. I will never be able to take good care of my children.”
Your perception of the problem may be normalizing (“I’ll be fine.”) or catastrophizing (“That’s it, I’m screwed.”) Is the event that I consider a disaster really a disaster? If this happened to a friend, would I feel like the world was ending for her?
What matters is not the fact that you are facing a problem but rather your perception and reaction to the problem.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Minimization:
Minimizing strengths and achievements or treating a happy event as trivial.
“At work I got a promotion, but there’s nothing extraordinary about that. Anyone can do what I do.”
Is what I consider trivial really unimportant? If this happened to a friend, would I consider it a success?
I did a good job of solving this problem. In this conversation, I expressed my point of view well. Even though the situation is difficult, I’m making progress.
Distorted thoughts
Examples
Questions
Alternative thoughts
Emotional reasoning: Your thoughts are not reality; emotional states should not be taken at face value. For example, mistaking fear for danger.
“I’m nervous. I’m sure it’s because my baby will be developmentally delayed and I can feel it.”
Do disasters always happen when I’m afraid?
Remember that you are not your thoughts. People often worry about the worst, but the worst rarely happens.
You’ll find a printable PDF version of these tables or an online form in the Toolkit.
